I stepped out and I fell in
The ledge I trusted was too thin
I reached and got my fingers stepped on
I found out I was a pawn
I cannot show my pain to you
Since using others is all you do
But still it hurts me just the same
Like I’m the loser in your game
I see now how I was misled
And know what I will do instead
To let go of the pain I feel
And help the wounds recede and heal
Feels like it’s all turned bitter now
The sting of looking like a fool
The burn of being tricked and used
The pieces of each broken rule
The absence of the web I built
The hole where all my work has gone
The yank of being on your string
The frozen shock of being wrong
I feel if I could make you pay
To show that I was really right
Then I could leave this hurt behind
But really this is my own fight
It’s okay, it just takes more time
It hurts but slowly it will heal
I’ve grown and learned and shared myself
I know that what I did was real
It hurts to keep on falling down
To spend time getting off the ground
I wish for perfect, no mistakes
But now I see the time it takes
Until the skill is learned and found
It hurts to try the best I know
Then pangs of judgement haunt me so
I want to always call it right
But I can’t tell from this new height
Always the certain way to go
It hurts to walk in paths so new
Break in a trail where thickets grew
I look for markers of the way
But I can’t in the safe place stay
And reach the place I should be too
Sometimes it feels so hard to do
But the only way forward is through
Walking in the footsteps I took so long ago
Looking back through years past on what I didn’t know
Pondering life’s meaning, how moments come and go
Feeling all those things now I couldn’t feel back then
Wondering the reason that I am here again
Thinking of the choices, of what else could have been
Letting go of questions of why and how and when
Stepping through the splinters of hurt that still are here
Lighting up past darkness so I no longer fear
Storing up the good things, the moments I hold dear
Turning toward the sunshine so shadows disappear
Walking in new footsteps as future pathways grow
A broken hope of taken dreams
The loss of worlds we make in dreams
The truth I thought that I could trust
Turned out be mistaken dreams
The world is crumbling round my heart
I fall beneath my shaken dreams
I vow to never dream again
Bury the past’s forsaken dreams
My heart stands fast, will not let go
Its broken shards awaken dreams
Chasing after something with every breath I spend
A great, elusive something up there just ahead
If I can only make it around the nearest bend
I’ll catch up to this phantom, escape all that I dread
Chasing after somewhere that everything is good
And in this perfect somewhere my life falls into place
My role, my world, my plan for life is clearly understood
And every puzzle piece is fit so neatly in its space
Chasing after someday when all these things are found
I’ll finally stop searching and enjoy life all the way
Complete with love, success, and health – perfection all around
I’ll have no fear, regret, or doubt to darken any day
Chasing after something, somewhere, somehow, some day
When all along, it’s been right here, if I will only stay
