That thing I said I didn’t mean
The pain inside no one has seen
The thoughts that tumble round and round
The feelings that turn upside down
The mixed-up things deep down inside
The worries that I cannot hide
The judgements that I cannot make
The chances that I shouldn’t take
The indecision on what is right
The worldview of black and white
The gloomy shadows that come at night
The days that try to make things right
Not all races that you win
Have cheers and fanfare at the end
Not all mountaintops you climb
Will immortalize you in time
Not all planes you learn to fly
Can write your name across the sky
Not all stories that you write
Will be best sellers overnight
For sometimes you’re the only one
Who knew the race had to be run
And it looked easy to the top
To those who couldn’t see the drop
Some planes weren’t even built til you
Had to construct them while you flew
And sometimes stories must be told
Of life on the less traveled road
So climb your mountain, run your race
Don’t worry over time or place
For each small victory’s one more stone
To build a life you call your own
You haunt me from
The shadows. You’re always just
Around the corner waiting
For the moment of vulnerability, of
Darkness. To descend.
I fall
Into the circling spiral of the past.
To carry again the excruciating
Weight, the hauntedness, the
Helplessness, the lies,
Of you, Guilt.
You try to suffocate me
In failure, in fear. I fight.
I will win. I will not give in.
I take control.
Sometimes change comes on little cat feet
Tiptoes in and snatches a seat
Lurks in a corner til you notice it’s there
And challenges you to meet its stare
Sometimes change comes in a tidal wave
No warning or chance to escape it gave
Before striking and washing all plans out to sea
Leaving a brand new reality
Sometimes change comes as an ice cold wind
Creeping, filling where warmth had been
Invisibly changing the air that you breathe
No choice but to act or you will freeze
Seems like life just spins too fast
I barely duck as things fly past
I swing and hit, can’t even see
The targets where each ball should be
I’m thrown off balance more each time
And each day, plans turn on a dime
This onslaught has no end in sight
All I can do is stand and fight
Seems like life just rocks the boat
So much I hardly stay afloat
The waves slash in over the rail
Leaks spring faster than I can bail
Too dark to tell if I’m on course
Just face into the storm’s full force
While pulling through and pressing on
All I can do is wait for dawn
Victory comes from hardest fights
Dawn breaks after darkest nights
Faith can every mountain move
We’re more than conquerors through love
What is it that is such a thrill
To rise up through gravity’s barrier
The moment of breathtaking speed
Leave earth behind and ride the air
What is it that is such a thrill
To look down from the air so high
And see the tiny earth below
To hang suspended in the sky
What is it that is such a thrill
To rise and fall, to turn and glide
Complete control in all directions
To go somewhere or just to ride
What is it that is such a thrill
To finally descend back down
To leave the surreal world of flight
And stand again on solid ground
