On the edge of an explosion
So much packed down now inside
Tiptoe by to keep it quiet
Push it forward, let it slide
Too many words to decipher
Too much meaning I can’t decode
But it’s pressing, moving faster
Taking me down some unknown road
Unfamiliar, overwhelming
Trying to sort out what is real
Too good, too bad to know for sure
Too much judged now by how I feel
There is a way to sort it out
To let the facts and feelings fit
Pass through without an explosion
Find peace within, inside of it
An avalanche of endless walls
Everywhere I turn
So many climbs, so many falls
Will I ever learn
A false façade of fake success
Tempts me to keep on
All hollow – break through and regress
Just another con
How bleak life looks if there’s no hope
To escape these walls
Reduced each day to try to cope
With the pain of falls
But there is still a lifeline rope
Listen when He calls
Chasing after something with every breath I spend
A great, elusive something up there just ahead
If I can only make it around the nearest bend
I’ll catch up to this phantom, escape all that I dread
Chasing after somewhere that everything is good
And in this perfect somewhere my life falls into place
My role, my world, my plan for life is clearly understood
And every puzzle piece is fit so neatly in its space
Chasing after someday when all these things are found
I’ll finally stop searching and enjoy life all the way
Complete with love, success, and health – perfection all around
I’ll have no fear, regret, or doubt to darken any day
Chasing after something, somewhere, somehow, some day
When all along, it’s been right here, if I will only stay
Slamming up against the wall
Bouncing back just like a ball
Running fast from what’s inside
Just to hit the other side
I’m stuck in here, I can’t get out
Boxed in by my fear and doubt
Prison walls inside my head
Thoughts so deep they can’t be said
Afraid to let in any light
Lest my fragile dreams take flight
If I keep them locked away
They still could come somehow, some day
I just imagine what should be
And filter in reality
Float each hope up to the top
Knowing bubbles always pop
Round and round this track I go
Endless loops of high and low
Unless, until I find the key
To open up the door for me
Drowning in words, but nothing to say
Wanting to act, but running away
Knowing these feelings will drive me insane
But still I hold on tight to the pain
Feeling so bad, but not knowing why
Looking for help, but too scared to try
Trying to look at what is inside
But fearing my world will just be denied
This chaos inside will tear me apart
Until I can find the truth in my heart
All these feelings swirling around inside
Looming, growing, but look at them, they hide
Weighing down my heart, dragging on my feet
Gray worry, purple dread, and black defeat
On top of that, orange irritation, blue regret
Red frustration, yellow to just forget
Becomes a swirling, tangled, muddy mess
Of feelings I can’t reach, connect, express
All the thoughts, the jumbled, scattered parts
Each word, idea forms and then departs
Trying to hold these fleeting bands of smoke
To clear the air before I cough and choke
How to condense these vapors into drops
Of water to be captured, put in stops
And somehow match them to emotions’ hues
A puzzle with too many pieces to choose
Too many pieces, none that fit
Easier to let them be, just quit
Except that if I let them be
They will never let go of me
