Drowning in words, but nothing to say
Wanting to act, but running away
Knowing these feelings will drive me insane
But still I hold on tight to the pain
Feeling so bad, but not knowing why
Looking for help, but too scared to try
Trying to look at what is inside
But fearing my world will just be denied
This chaos inside will tear me apart
Until I can find the truth in my heart
All these feelings swirling around inside
Looming, growing, but look at them, they hide
Weighing down my heart, dragging on my feet
Gray worry, purple dread, and black defeat
On top of that, orange irritation, blue regret
Red frustration, yellow to just forget
Becomes a swirling, tangled, muddy mess
Of feelings I can’t reach, connect, express
All the thoughts, the jumbled, scattered parts
Each word, idea forms and then departs
Trying to hold these fleeting bands of smoke
To clear the air before I cough and choke
How to condense these vapors into drops
Of water to be captured, put in stops
And somehow match them to emotions’ hues
A puzzle with too many pieces to choose
Too many pieces, none that fit
Easier to let them be, just quit
Except that if I let them be
They will never let go of me
That thing I said I didn’t mean
The pain inside no one has seen
The thoughts that tumble round and round
The feelings that turn upside down
The mixed-up things deep down inside
The worries that I cannot hide
The judgements that I cannot make
The chances that I shouldn’t take
The indecision on what is right
The worldview of black and white
The gloomy shadows that come at night
The days that try to make things right
Why do you play with fire
When you can’t help getting burned?
Why do you give your trust away
Before it has been earned?
Why do you let your thoughts
Run away on a wild horse?
Why do you take a swing
Without looking at the course?
Why do emotions’ waves
Roughly wash you out to sea?
Why don’t you learn to ride
The storm out peacefully?
Why do you do the same thing
And expect a different end?
Why do you think your fantasy
Is just around the bend?
I am a mirror, a looking glass
I copy you while you go past
I’ll show you what you want to see
Without ever showing me
I am a shy chameleon too
I change from green to brown to blue
I’ll be okay if I blend in
Hide beneath a shifting skin
I am an unformed lump of clay
I’ll mold to any shape you say
I cannot harden into me
Since I’ve no unique form to be
I am a frosty icicle
A brittle, cold, transparent soul
Drips of past that caught and froze
I’ll melt away if you get close
Reflect, refract, reform, react
Will I ever see how to be me?
Whatever you want, you want it so badly
You pour in your heart so deeply, completely
You hold on so tight, there is no room to breathe
And keep your eyes shut so you can believe
Whatever you want, you will not let go
Or step back or look up or even walk slow
Instead you dive in head first off the brink
Need only to feel, never stopping to think
Just look through that feeling, it colors your world
A fantasy glamorized, glittered, and pearled
Until life steals the rose glasses away
Then every color that you see is gray
Whatever you want, you better be sure
For fancies fly quickly and failures endure
But do not let go of hope that is real
For faith lives beyond whatever you feel
